This blog is going to be a little different then the previous ones I've posted. Only because I have something on my mind and I really don't know which direction to take and I feel that talking it through with myself, as well as having other people's feedback, might help.
So many of us are not where we thought we'd be when we were younger. There is nothing wrong with that. Life throws us curve balls and we end up somewhere different. Not always bad and not always good. Just different.
It doesn't make sense to let the person we used to be judge who we are now.
The aspirations of a 12 year old are much different then the aspirations of a 28 year old who has more life experiences under their belt.
What does make sense, is to change what we want now, to go where we want to now.
But now we come to a dilemma!
Where do we want to be? What do we want to be doing?
I made a big (well, semi-big) move to another state because I told myself, "You're going to be doing what you want. You'll have a chance to experience a different area. You'll be able to make friends. Things will be good."
Most of those things have turned out to be true.
Things are good. I like it out here. I've made new friends and explored the area.
What is it that doesn't feel right then?
I don't feel like I'm doing what I want to do.
What? WHAT? Ursula, you love teaching!!
That's true.
I do love teaching. I have a passion for it.
What I've come to realize is that I don't want to be teaching elementary school children. I do enjoy working with the students. I love the idea of molding the future.
What I don't love is all the crap that is involved with being an elementary school teacher. I don't like jumping through all the hoops that have been placed in front of teachers. I don't like all the assessments. I don't like not being able to teach science and social studies. I don't like the school systems because they're corrupt.
I understand that there are always going to be things about your job that you're not going to like. It's inevitable. I've worked many, many places, but I know that sometimes, there are things that you just can't get passed.
So, I come to a cross road. Do I continue working as an elementary teacher and forget these reservation that I have (which will be incredibly difficult). Or do I change professions?
What I feel I would really enjoy doing is being involved in a training program at a company. Or even working in HR.
If I stop teaching out here. I would most likely move back to the desert. Probably, back in with my parents. Go back to school. Get a menial job. And feel like a loser for awhile.
I'm just not sure about where I should be because I don't know where I want to be.
I'm a firm believer that when you are faced with a decision, whichever one you choose is the right decision because it's the one you wanted at the time. It doesn't always mean you made the best decision, but you followed what felt right for you at the time and that's what really matters. If you go wherever life takes you, then you'll never be in the wrong spot.
The difficult task is choosing what you want.
