In science class the other day, I asked the students, "Do our experiences and ideas influence how we observe the world around us?" I let them talk amongst themselves. There were all kinds of ideas about this. Some said yes and some said no. The lesson progressed and I let them look at different pictures. What the students saw in these photos varied. I asked the question again and all the students agreed that, yes, our experiences an ideas do influence the way we observe the world around us.
This got me thinking about how we perceive ourselves and others. It's easy to judge people based on our perceptions... our experiences and our ideas. We see others the way we want to see them. If we think they are going to be a bad person, then, suddenly, they become one. If we think someone will break our heart, we hold ourselves back. If we think someone doesn't deserve our trust, we'll never give them the chance to prove otherwise.
There is nothing we can do to change this. It is human nature to create opinions about people. We may not know a lick about someone but the second we lay our eyes on them, we are formulating an opinion. There is something we can do though. We can choose to put those opinions to rest. Give people the chance they deserve. YES, we may end up getting hurt. Our initial opinions may be correct. But, isn't it better to be glad you did then to wish you had? Isn't it better to prove your initial opinion wrong and make a friend, then to lose out on something that could be great?
Maybe I'm naive. People are generally good. I truly believe that. It's usually their own perceptions that are getting in the way of the way they are living. We all make mistakes. Our minds don't initially see them as a potential mistake because of the way we are perceiving the situation.
This is why second and third and fourth... and so on, chances are important.
I feel like I'm going a little all over the place with my thoughts right now.
Basically, I'm trying to say, that judging people on our experiences and ideas isn't fair. We need to give people a chance. Sometimes, we need to give them more than one chance because their own experiences are not the same as ours and they do things that we don't agree with. We need understanding.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
The Law of Attraction
We are creatures of energy. All around us; energy. We have the ability to control how our energy flows. We can have positive energy and we can have negative energy. Focusing on the negative energy, can only bring more negative energy into our lives. If we focus on positive energy, we bring positive energy into our lives.
Bringing this positive energy into our lives isn't easy, but it's well worth the time and effort.
This is me. I am ready to invite positive energy into my life.
"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
~Joseph Campbell
First step:
Ask for what you want. Don't think about what you don't want in your life. Send out a message to the Universe (or God or whatever you believe in). Ask for these things and be specific. Don't make these requests dependent on other people's actions. We have NO control over other people. The only control we have is over ourselves. Also, don't think about HOW you will get these things. What we need will be provided to us in the way that the Universe sees fit. These things may or may not come immediately, but don't lose faith. Things will have a way of working themselves out for you. Keep your positive energy flowing.
1. I want to make enough money in the month of August so that I can pay all my bills on time and still have more to enjoy a few nights out.
2. I want to fall head over heals in love with someone I can share my life with. Someone who will be there through thick and thin. Someone who appreciates me. Someone that is deserving of my love. I want to dance in the rain with them. I want to go on picnics with them. Cook dinners together. Share successes and be supportive in rough times. I want to create a life of happiness together. I want them to be my best friend.
3. I want to be successful at work. I want to inspire and give lessons that will create life long memories for my students. I want to enjoy time with my coworkers. I want effective collaboration. I want my workspace to be a place of excitement, happiness, and learning.
4. I want to complete the "Run for Your Lives" marathon without being "killed". I want to blaze through the marathon with ease and grace. I want to survive.
5. I want to lose weight. I want to be the same weight that I was when I was 21. I want to weigh 115 lbs. I want to be stronger and healthier.
There is always more, but those are the biggies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next step:
Be grateful for what you already have. When we remind ourselves of the wonderful things that we already have, we can't help but feel more positive. There is always something to be grateful for. Try and think of at least one thing to be grateful for each day.
1. I am thankful for my caring family. They bring happiness to my heart. My mother and father want the best for me and work each day to show me that they care. My sisters are my best friends. I am thankful for the love they show me. They are incredibly giving and forgiving and show that they care about me in more than a million different ways.
2. I am thankful for my friends. There is no way I could get through some of the things I have if I hadn't had such wonderful friends. They all add something special to my life. I could go through a list of all the wonderful people and share how they have improved my life but the list would be incredibly long. I will focus on two though. Jennifer has been a wonderful friend since the day I sat next to her in the credential program. She has been supportive through tough times. She is there when I call and gives me the truth when I need it the most. Her laugh is infectious. She is helpful and thoughtful. I am thankful to have such a wonderful friend. Sarah is another friend that has been such a great addition to my life. She has been a shoulder to lean on and has given me many reasons to smile. She is always looking out for me and my best interests. I am thankful to have her in my life.
3. I am thankful for my amazing cats. They have kept me company and shown me so much love. Lola came into my life when I was feeling lowest of low. She gave me strength to move on with my life because of her tenderness. Her purr is relaxing and she always comes to me when I call. I love her with all of my heart. Oliver has been a challenge but I wouldn't trade him for another cat in the world. He is goofy and just looking at him makes me smile. He sleeps with me and follows me around the house. I am so thankful for them and the way they love me.
4. I am thankful for my health.
5. I am thankful for my car.
6. I am thankful for Charmin toilet paper. (Had to throw that one in there. :)
7. I am thankful that I was able to get my job back at the school district here. I am so thankful that I get to do something that I love. I'm thankful that I get the chance to teach middle schoolers.
Again, there is so much more to be thankful for. I will keep these things and more in my mind and in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next step:
Visualize it. It's not enough to just think about what you want. You need to think of it as though what you want it already yours.
For example: If I want to complete the race without being "killed", I need to take the time to see myself doing it. I need to close my eyes and see how the race will go.
It's not always enough to just visualize. If I want this to happen, I can't just sit on my bum all day. I need to make my wants realistic. If I practice running and take the steps necessary, my want is realistic.
I am going to make a board on pinterest that will be my visualization board. I will add pictures of things that I want. Pictures that will help me see the things that I wish to have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our life can be what we want it to be. We control our destiny and we control our happiness. Open your heart to the Universe. Ask for what you want. Ask for what you need. Show gratitude for what you have. You will always get what you give.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
~Buddha
Bringing this positive energy into our lives isn't easy, but it's well worth the time and effort.
This is me. I am ready to invite positive energy into my life.
"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
~Joseph Campbell
First step:
Ask for what you want. Don't think about what you don't want in your life. Send out a message to the Universe (or God or whatever you believe in). Ask for these things and be specific. Don't make these requests dependent on other people's actions. We have NO control over other people. The only control we have is over ourselves. Also, don't think about HOW you will get these things. What we need will be provided to us in the way that the Universe sees fit. These things may or may not come immediately, but don't lose faith. Things will have a way of working themselves out for you. Keep your positive energy flowing.
1. I want to make enough money in the month of August so that I can pay all my bills on time and still have more to enjoy a few nights out.
2. I want to fall head over heals in love with someone I can share my life with. Someone who will be there through thick and thin. Someone who appreciates me. Someone that is deserving of my love. I want to dance in the rain with them. I want to go on picnics with them. Cook dinners together. Share successes and be supportive in rough times. I want to create a life of happiness together. I want them to be my best friend.
3. I want to be successful at work. I want to inspire and give lessons that will create life long memories for my students. I want to enjoy time with my coworkers. I want effective collaboration. I want my workspace to be a place of excitement, happiness, and learning.
4. I want to complete the "Run for Your Lives" marathon without being "killed". I want to blaze through the marathon with ease and grace. I want to survive.
5. I want to lose weight. I want to be the same weight that I was when I was 21. I want to weigh 115 lbs. I want to be stronger and healthier.
There is always more, but those are the biggies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next step:
Be grateful for what you already have. When we remind ourselves of the wonderful things that we already have, we can't help but feel more positive. There is always something to be grateful for. Try and think of at least one thing to be grateful for each day.
1. I am thankful for my caring family. They bring happiness to my heart. My mother and father want the best for me and work each day to show me that they care. My sisters are my best friends. I am thankful for the love they show me. They are incredibly giving and forgiving and show that they care about me in more than a million different ways.
2. I am thankful for my friends. There is no way I could get through some of the things I have if I hadn't had such wonderful friends. They all add something special to my life. I could go through a list of all the wonderful people and share how they have improved my life but the list would be incredibly long. I will focus on two though. Jennifer has been a wonderful friend since the day I sat next to her in the credential program. She has been supportive through tough times. She is there when I call and gives me the truth when I need it the most. Her laugh is infectious. She is helpful and thoughtful. I am thankful to have such a wonderful friend. Sarah is another friend that has been such a great addition to my life. She has been a shoulder to lean on and has given me many reasons to smile. She is always looking out for me and my best interests. I am thankful to have her in my life.
3. I am thankful for my amazing cats. They have kept me company and shown me so much love. Lola came into my life when I was feeling lowest of low. She gave me strength to move on with my life because of her tenderness. Her purr is relaxing and she always comes to me when I call. I love her with all of my heart. Oliver has been a challenge but I wouldn't trade him for another cat in the world. He is goofy and just looking at him makes me smile. He sleeps with me and follows me around the house. I am so thankful for them and the way they love me.
4. I am thankful for my health.
5. I am thankful for my car.
6. I am thankful for Charmin toilet paper. (Had to throw that one in there. :)
7. I am thankful that I was able to get my job back at the school district here. I am so thankful that I get to do something that I love. I'm thankful that I get the chance to teach middle schoolers.
Again, there is so much more to be thankful for. I will keep these things and more in my mind and in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next step:
Visualize it. It's not enough to just think about what you want. You need to think of it as though what you want it already yours.
For example: If I want to complete the race without being "killed", I need to take the time to see myself doing it. I need to close my eyes and see how the race will go.
It's not always enough to just visualize. If I want this to happen, I can't just sit on my bum all day. I need to make my wants realistic. If I practice running and take the steps necessary, my want is realistic.
I am going to make a board on pinterest that will be my visualization board. I will add pictures of things that I want. Pictures that will help me see the things that I wish to have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our life can be what we want it to be. We control our destiny and we control our happiness. Open your heart to the Universe. Ask for what you want. Ask for what you need. Show gratitude for what you have. You will always get what you give.
"The mind is everything. What you think, you become."
~Buddha
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
This Emotional Life
Decided to watch a documentary tonight that aired on PBS. It is a three part series. What is looks at is how we overcome obstacles and find happiness through human interactions. I only watched the first part, which focused on family, friends, and lovers.
Each area was explored individually and had valid points.
Family:
The very first interactions that we have are with our family. We learn through them how to interact in the outside world. Some children (namely ones in orphanages) don't create an attachment with their caregivers, which makes socializing difficult for them. There is a hormone that is released in both children and their parents when there is interaction. What they've found, is that the hormone (oxytocin; which women also release during an orgasm) is not released in children with attachment issues.
Friends:
The next step in interacting is through friendship. Studies show that chronic loneliness is just as unhealthy as smoking. People who are lonely are more prone to accidents, heart issues, suicide and many other detrimental issues. Friendship is directly related to our happiness. When our friendships falter, so does our happiness. They also made mention of conflict. It is impossible to get to know someone without conflict arising.
Lovers:
Stated as the most influential of our mood is our interaction with people that we love on a romantic level. There are so many things going on in this category. Men seek women who show signs of fertility and are physically attractive. Women seek men that are stable and do not put as much emphasis on looks. Conflict is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. A conflict must be dealt with immediately or dire consequences occur. Conflict is inevitable.
Communication and loyalty are important traits. What keeps people together? Capitalizing on successes and making the relationship exciting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason I'm writing about this is because it contradicts what I wrote in my previous blog. I said that happiness comes from within. This series seeks to prove that we can only find happiness through interacting with others.
This is a difficult thing to nail down.
Yes. We need to be able to find happiness with ourselves. We can be happy without having other people or things there.
But ultimately, if we don't interact with others, we will find that the inner happiness that we've found in ourselves is pointless if we have no one (be it family, friends, or lovers) to share it with.
We are not here to be alone. Interaction is essential. So is finding your own peace.
Each area was explored individually and had valid points.
Family:
The very first interactions that we have are with our family. We learn through them how to interact in the outside world. Some children (namely ones in orphanages) don't create an attachment with their caregivers, which makes socializing difficult for them. There is a hormone that is released in both children and their parents when there is interaction. What they've found, is that the hormone (oxytocin; which women also release during an orgasm) is not released in children with attachment issues.
Friends:
The next step in interacting is through friendship. Studies show that chronic loneliness is just as unhealthy as smoking. People who are lonely are more prone to accidents, heart issues, suicide and many other detrimental issues. Friendship is directly related to our happiness. When our friendships falter, so does our happiness. They also made mention of conflict. It is impossible to get to know someone without conflict arising.
Lovers:
Stated as the most influential of our mood is our interaction with people that we love on a romantic level. There are so many things going on in this category. Men seek women who show signs of fertility and are physically attractive. Women seek men that are stable and do not put as much emphasis on looks. Conflict is one of the most important things to have in a relationship. A conflict must be dealt with immediately or dire consequences occur. Conflict is inevitable.
Communication and loyalty are important traits. What keeps people together? Capitalizing on successes and making the relationship exciting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason I'm writing about this is because it contradicts what I wrote in my previous blog. I said that happiness comes from within. This series seeks to prove that we can only find happiness through interacting with others.
This is a difficult thing to nail down.
Yes. We need to be able to find happiness with ourselves. We can be happy without having other people or things there.
But ultimately, if we don't interact with others, we will find that the inner happiness that we've found in ourselves is pointless if we have no one (be it family, friends, or lovers) to share it with.
We are not here to be alone. Interaction is essential. So is finding your own peace.
Friday, July 6, 2012
A New Mantra
Sometimes, we have to find something to help us through the day. Different things work for different people. Some people have a song, some people have material things, and some just need words. It may change and it may stay the same.
I've decided on a new one for me.
"It doesn't matter."
Passive, maybe. Truthful, yes.
Those words won't mean the same thing to you as they will to me. That's the thing about mantras... what's yours, belongs to you. Doesn't mean you can't share though. :)
What does it mean to me?
Happiness is something that lives inside us. We spend our lives searching for some outside source that doesn't exist. Sure, some things may give fleeting happiness, but the only lasting happiness is something that comes from within. You can make a conscious decision to be happy.
So, why don't we have a society that just leaps around in pure bliss if it's that simple?
Well, it's not. The interactions with others effect our moods and our lives. This is where the mantra comes in...
"It doesn't matter."
We can't let the outside world effect our inside world.
~~~~
If someone says something mean...
"It doesn't matter!"
Don't take it to heart. Don't let their problems be yours.
If someone doesn't want to be around you...
"It doesn't matter!"
There are other people out there you would be happy to share your company. Maybe you want their company but why spend your time around people that don't want you around?
If someone trash talks you...
"It doesn't matter!"
They are not sharing your truths. You know what's in your heart. Don't let your world be changed by someone who doesn't care about you.
~~~~
This by no means suggests that you should just put up with people hurting you. You can never control someone's action but you can ALWAYS control your own reaction. You can choose to take the people out of your life that hurt you, but understand that there will always be someone waiting in the wings to take their place. You could also choose to understand hurtful people. Get to the heart of why they are hurtful and you will probably find that they are hurting you because they hurt. You don't need to push them away. They probably need a friend the most.
Just remember that what they say and do to hurt you doesn't matter. The choice is always yours. Don't take life so personally.
I've decided on a new one for me.
"It doesn't matter."
Passive, maybe. Truthful, yes.
Those words won't mean the same thing to you as they will to me. That's the thing about mantras... what's yours, belongs to you. Doesn't mean you can't share though. :)
What does it mean to me?
Happiness is something that lives inside us. We spend our lives searching for some outside source that doesn't exist. Sure, some things may give fleeting happiness, but the only lasting happiness is something that comes from within. You can make a conscious decision to be happy.
So, why don't we have a society that just leaps around in pure bliss if it's that simple?
Well, it's not. The interactions with others effect our moods and our lives. This is where the mantra comes in...
"It doesn't matter."
We can't let the outside world effect our inside world.
~~~~
If someone says something mean...
"It doesn't matter!"
Don't take it to heart. Don't let their problems be yours.
If someone doesn't want to be around you...
"It doesn't matter!"
There are other people out there you would be happy to share your company. Maybe you want their company but why spend your time around people that don't want you around?
If someone trash talks you...
"It doesn't matter!"
They are not sharing your truths. You know what's in your heart. Don't let your world be changed by someone who doesn't care about you.
~~~~
This by no means suggests that you should just put up with people hurting you. You can never control someone's action but you can ALWAYS control your own reaction. You can choose to take the people out of your life that hurt you, but understand that there will always be someone waiting in the wings to take their place. You could also choose to understand hurtful people. Get to the heart of why they are hurtful and you will probably find that they are hurting you because they hurt. You don't need to push them away. They probably need a friend the most.
Just remember that what they say and do to hurt you doesn't matter. The choice is always yours. Don't take life so personally.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Caught in Confusion
This blog is going to be a little different then the previous ones I've posted. Only because I have something on my mind and I really don't know which direction to take and I feel that talking it through with myself, as well as having other people's feedback, might help.
So many of us are not where we thought we'd be when we were younger. There is nothing wrong with that. Life throws us curve balls and we end up somewhere different. Not always bad and not always good. Just different.
It doesn't make sense to let the person we used to be judge who we are now.
The aspirations of a 12 year old are much different then the aspirations of a 28 year old who has more life experiences under their belt.
What does make sense, is to change what we want now, to go where we want to now.
But now we come to a dilemma!
Where do we want to be? What do we want to be doing?
I made a big (well, semi-big) move to another state because I told myself, "You're going to be doing what you want. You'll have a chance to experience a different area. You'll be able to make friends. Things will be good."
Most of those things have turned out to be true.
Things are good. I like it out here. I've made new friends and explored the area.
What is it that doesn't feel right then?
I don't feel like I'm doing what I want to do.
What? WHAT? Ursula, you love teaching!!
That's true.
I do love teaching. I have a passion for it.
What I've come to realize is that I don't want to be teaching elementary school children. I do enjoy working with the students. I love the idea of molding the future.
What I don't love is all the crap that is involved with being an elementary school teacher. I don't like jumping through all the hoops that have been placed in front of teachers. I don't like all the assessments. I don't like not being able to teach science and social studies. I don't like the school systems because they're corrupt.
I understand that there are always going to be things about your job that you're not going to like. It's inevitable. I've worked many, many places, but I know that sometimes, there are things that you just can't get passed.
So, I come to a cross road. Do I continue working as an elementary teacher and forget these reservation that I have (which will be incredibly difficult). Or do I change professions?
What I feel I would really enjoy doing is being involved in a training program at a company. Or even working in HR.
If I stop teaching out here. I would most likely move back to the desert. Probably, back in with my parents. Go back to school. Get a menial job. And feel like a loser for awhile.
I'm just not sure about where I should be because I don't know where I want to be.
I'm a firm believer that when you are faced with a decision, whichever one you choose is the right decision because it's the one you wanted at the time. It doesn't always mean you made the best decision, but you followed what felt right for you at the time and that's what really matters. If you go wherever life takes you, then you'll never be in the wrong spot.
The difficult task is choosing what you want.
So many of us are not where we thought we'd be when we were younger. There is nothing wrong with that. Life throws us curve balls and we end up somewhere different. Not always bad and not always good. Just different.
It doesn't make sense to let the person we used to be judge who we are now.
The aspirations of a 12 year old are much different then the aspirations of a 28 year old who has more life experiences under their belt.
What does make sense, is to change what we want now, to go where we want to now.
But now we come to a dilemma!
Where do we want to be? What do we want to be doing?
I made a big (well, semi-big) move to another state because I told myself, "You're going to be doing what you want. You'll have a chance to experience a different area. You'll be able to make friends. Things will be good."
Most of those things have turned out to be true.
Things are good. I like it out here. I've made new friends and explored the area.
What is it that doesn't feel right then?
I don't feel like I'm doing what I want to do.
What? WHAT? Ursula, you love teaching!!
That's true.
I do love teaching. I have a passion for it.
What I've come to realize is that I don't want to be teaching elementary school children. I do enjoy working with the students. I love the idea of molding the future.
What I don't love is all the crap that is involved with being an elementary school teacher. I don't like jumping through all the hoops that have been placed in front of teachers. I don't like all the assessments. I don't like not being able to teach science and social studies. I don't like the school systems because they're corrupt.
I understand that there are always going to be things about your job that you're not going to like. It's inevitable. I've worked many, many places, but I know that sometimes, there are things that you just can't get passed.
So, I come to a cross road. Do I continue working as an elementary teacher and forget these reservation that I have (which will be incredibly difficult). Or do I change professions?
What I feel I would really enjoy doing is being involved in a training program at a company. Or even working in HR.
If I stop teaching out here. I would most likely move back to the desert. Probably, back in with my parents. Go back to school. Get a menial job. And feel like a loser for awhile.
I'm just not sure about where I should be because I don't know where I want to be.
I'm a firm believer that when you are faced with a decision, whichever one you choose is the right decision because it's the one you wanted at the time. It doesn't always mean you made the best decision, but you followed what felt right for you at the time and that's what really matters. If you go wherever life takes you, then you'll never be in the wrong spot.
The difficult task is choosing what you want.
Monday, November 7, 2011
All of the events in our lives lead to other events, they are all connected.
Sometimes we have an experience that we don’t understand, but if we look deeply, or wait long enough, a reason for that experience will usually reveal itself. All the events in our lives lead to other events, and all that we have manifested in this present moment is the result of past events and experiences. We cannot easily tease apart the many threads that have been woven together to create our current reality. Experiences that don’t make sense, as well as any that we regret, are just as responsible for the good things in our lives as the experiences we do understand or label as “good.”
This is especially important to remember at times when we feel directionless or unsure of what to do. It is often at times like these that we take a job or move to a place without really knowing if it’s the right thing to do. We may ultimately end up leaving the job or the place, but often during that time we will have met someone who becomes an important friend, or we may have an experience that changes us in a profound way. When all the pieces of our life don’t quite make sense, we can remember that there may be some hidden gem of a reason that we are where we are having the experiences we are having.
It’s fun to look back on past experiences with an eye to uncovering those gems—the dreadful temporary job in a bland office building that introduced you to the love of your life; the roommate you couldn’t tolerate who gave you a book that changed your life; the time spent living in a city you didn’t like that led you into a deeper relationship with yourself. Remembering these past experiences can restore our faith in the present. Life is full of buried treasures. Chances are, you’re sitting on some right now.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
What Do We Really Have to Lose?
So many of us are afraid of losing the people in our lives. Family, friends and lovers all fall into this category. We devote our time and energy into relationships with these people. We become close with them and create a bond. Somewhere during the growth of the relationship, we begin to think of that person as "ours".
That's "MY friend", "MY boyfriend/girlfriend", or "MY sister/brother". These are just words that we say, but somehow they create a subconscious possession of the person in question. The intensity of the possession varies. Sometimes it's minimal (usually with family members and friends) and sometimes it can get out of hand (usually with romantic relationships).
This starts to happen at an early age. As children we don't want to share our mother or our father with anyone else. They belong to us and no one else can have them. Sometimes it stops there, but then we might acquire a great friend. They're there for us through thick and thin, but all of a sudden, someone else might come along and interfere, trying to take away OUR friend. We feel threatened when we see the people that "belong" to us, talking, having fun with, or giving more attention to someone other then us.
Why is this? What is the cure?
Recognize that NO ONE belongs to us. Each person is their own person. They have the right to their own feelings, their own decisions, and their own life. Just as we have the right to ours.
If someone chooses to make us a part of their life, then great! We should feel honored. If they choose not to make us a part of their life or give more attention elsewhere, nothing is lost, because, as stated before, they were never ours to lose.
Of course, the loss of companionship that you felt with the person may be difficult to initially handle, that is not the point I wish to make.
The point is, you can't lose something that you never had and no one belongs to us, just as we don't belong to anyone. If we could all accept this fact, think about how much easier relationships would be.
So, take a step back and appreciate the people around you. They choose to share parts of their life with you as you choose to share part of yours with them. Recognize that they may not always be around and that all you have with them is now.
That's "MY friend", "MY boyfriend/girlfriend", or "MY sister/brother". These are just words that we say, but somehow they create a subconscious possession of the person in question. The intensity of the possession varies. Sometimes it's minimal (usually with family members and friends) and sometimes it can get out of hand (usually with romantic relationships).
This starts to happen at an early age. As children we don't want to share our mother or our father with anyone else. They belong to us and no one else can have them. Sometimes it stops there, but then we might acquire a great friend. They're there for us through thick and thin, but all of a sudden, someone else might come along and interfere, trying to take away OUR friend. We feel threatened when we see the people that "belong" to us, talking, having fun with, or giving more attention to someone other then us.
Why is this? What is the cure?
Recognize that NO ONE belongs to us. Each person is their own person. They have the right to their own feelings, their own decisions, and their own life. Just as we have the right to ours.
If someone chooses to make us a part of their life, then great! We should feel honored. If they choose not to make us a part of their life or give more attention elsewhere, nothing is lost, because, as stated before, they were never ours to lose.
Of course, the loss of companionship that you felt with the person may be difficult to initially handle, that is not the point I wish to make.
The point is, you can't lose something that you never had and no one belongs to us, just as we don't belong to anyone. If we could all accept this fact, think about how much easier relationships would be.
So, take a step back and appreciate the people around you. They choose to share parts of their life with you as you choose to share part of yours with them. Recognize that they may not always be around and that all you have with them is now.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Choices and Forgiveness
Every moment of our lives we are required to make choices. These choices are sometimes done mindlessly and sometimes we mull over choices for days. We choose what time we will wake up. We choose how we will get ready for the day. We choose a school we wish to attend. We choose whom we wish to spend our lives with. Regardless of what it is, we ALWAYS have a choice.
Recently, I feel as though I haven't been making the best decisions. My original goal was to open my heart up to people and new experiences. I have been and I have been enjoying myself, but I've also found that I'm spending more time with people that I would not have normally spent time with. That is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing is the way that I've allowed myself to be affected by them.
There is one decision that I made that has recently effected my attitude. I have not been feeling as happy and energetic as I was before I made the decision. It's hard to believe that one choice can so greatly affect our happiness, but it can. The reason that I feel the way that I do is because I knew the right decision before I made the wrong one, but I still went against my beliefs for a moment of instant gratification.
I wasn't strong enough. I look back and keep asking myself, "Why wasn't I strong enough?" "Why didn't I make the right decision, even though I knew it?" When it comes right down to it, I understand that I can't change the past. I made a decision and I have to learn to live with that decision. I need to learn from my choice and not make that decision again.
We are all human. We are all prone to error. This is not an excuse, it is an undeniable truth. This is why forgiveness is so VERY important. We all, at various times in our lives, make a bad decision. We hurt people without intending to. The decision maker feels like crap and the person who was hurt feels slighted. Forgiveness is the only cure.
The thing is, we need to learn to forgive ourselves before we can ever learn to accept the forgiveness of others. It is a difficult task, but it can be done.
I am working on it now. It's difficult when you know that you could have made the right decision but didn't. As I said before, it is the past and I need to let it go.
Learn to accept the decisions we make.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive others.
Recently, I feel as though I haven't been making the best decisions. My original goal was to open my heart up to people and new experiences. I have been and I have been enjoying myself, but I've also found that I'm spending more time with people that I would not have normally spent time with. That is not necessarily a bad thing. The bad thing is the way that I've allowed myself to be affected by them.
There is one decision that I made that has recently effected my attitude. I have not been feeling as happy and energetic as I was before I made the decision. It's hard to believe that one choice can so greatly affect our happiness, but it can. The reason that I feel the way that I do is because I knew the right decision before I made the wrong one, but I still went against my beliefs for a moment of instant gratification.
I wasn't strong enough. I look back and keep asking myself, "Why wasn't I strong enough?" "Why didn't I make the right decision, even though I knew it?" When it comes right down to it, I understand that I can't change the past. I made a decision and I have to learn to live with that decision. I need to learn from my choice and not make that decision again.
We are all human. We are all prone to error. This is not an excuse, it is an undeniable truth. This is why forgiveness is so VERY important. We all, at various times in our lives, make a bad decision. We hurt people without intending to. The decision maker feels like crap and the person who was hurt feels slighted. Forgiveness is the only cure.
The thing is, we need to learn to forgive ourselves before we can ever learn to accept the forgiveness of others. It is a difficult task, but it can be done.
I am working on it now. It's difficult when you know that you could have made the right decision but didn't. As I said before, it is the past and I need to let it go.
Learn to accept the decisions we make.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive others.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Things Fall Together
In my previous blog, I mentioned that I was trying to be more open. I've really been working at this and I've found that I'm enjoying life a lot more.
I still have bad days. I'm just not letting the bad days bother me anymore. When I find myself feeling upset over something, I stop and really think about it and I realize that it's not something worth being angry over.
I feel myself changing into a person that I really want to be.
I no longer feel like I need a partner in my life in order to be complete.
In this changing, I've found that there are so many options out there... so many opportunities for development and growth and to let love into my life. I keep finding my mind racing with the new things that I want to do and people that I want to hang out with.
I want to move. I want to travel. I was to go back to school. I want to learn a new trade... I can't decide on what exactly yet... but I want to learn all that I can!
Liken your life to a traveling boat. We can float. We can sink. We can be bailing water out. We could be anchored.
We can focus on all of these things.
OR
We can let our boat sail on the wind. Focus on the destination not the path. Otherwise, we'll be stuck.
Understand that there will be stormy weather and that the journey will not always be easy, but that's not what the journey is about.
Let yourself go.
Things will fall together for you if you do.
I still have bad days. I'm just not letting the bad days bother me anymore. When I find myself feeling upset over something, I stop and really think about it and I realize that it's not something worth being angry over.
I feel myself changing into a person that I really want to be.
I no longer feel like I need a partner in my life in order to be complete.
In this changing, I've found that there are so many options out there... so many opportunities for development and growth and to let love into my life. I keep finding my mind racing with the new things that I want to do and people that I want to hang out with.
I want to move. I want to travel. I was to go back to school. I want to learn a new trade... I can't decide on what exactly yet... but I want to learn all that I can!
Liken your life to a traveling boat. We can float. We can sink. We can be bailing water out. We could be anchored.
We can focus on all of these things.
OR
We can let our boat sail on the wind. Focus on the destination not the path. Otherwise, we'll be stuck.
Understand that there will be stormy weather and that the journey will not always be easy, but that's not what the journey is about.
Let yourself go.
Things will fall together for you if you do.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Being Open
When something bad happens in our lives, we tend to hang on to the resentments and hurt. We seek blame in others because we don't know what else to do. What happens though when you realize that you are the one to blame?
Today I realized that I am the one to blame for the many things that have happened lately. This realization took time and soul searching. Let me share my story:
A few weeks ago, I had my heart broken by the same person who had broken it before. In my hurt, I decided that I wouldn't let myself fall into the same depression that I had the first time. I decided that I needed to find a way to open my heart and let things be as they are. It has not been easy but I have felt happier than I have in awhile. Why is this?
I found that when I open my heart and let the universe guide me, I feel more peace with myself and I find myself more understanding with others. I feel the need to smile more often because I understand that life is going to throw bad things my way, but it is also going to throw good things my way. There is a balance to everything and sometimes the scale is tipped one way but eventually the weight will shift.
I don't know if other people sense this, but I think that they do. I have had more strangers talking to me than ever before. They are telling me their stories. They are inviting me to events. I feel that by being more open, I am allowing more life and light into my soul.
In addition to being more open, I read an article that talked about holding onto resentment and how it causes stress in our lives. Here is part of the article written in Light of Consciousness by Micheal Singer.
How you deal with your energy flow has a major effect on your life. If you assert your will against the energy of an event that has already happened, it is like trying to stop the ripples caused by a leaf dropped into a still lake.
How true is this? We cannot change the events that have already happened. Why do we stress about the things that cannot be changed? It only hurts us and makes us carry a burden that is not worth its weight.
With this thought in mind, I believe that the universe is guiding us on a path that will lead us to great rewards, if we allow ourselves to become part of it's ebb and flow. This is not always easy, but as previously stated, it may not be easy but it'll be worth it.
At the beginning of this blog, I said that I am the one to blame for the events that took place. Now, I feel like I can explain why.
When I want something... and I mean REALLY want something, I tend to be very aggressive. My last boyfriend and I met on the internet. We talked for about two months. Numerous times, we would make plans and he would cancel, or I wouldn't hear from him. He told me he was afraid to meet me because he thought I was going to be a dude. I went to great lengths to try to prove to him that I was legit. Still, he would cancel. After MUCH persistence he finally came around to meeting me.
I realize that I am the one to blame because I forced myself into his life.
Under normal circumstances, we would have never met. If I hadn't been so forceful, we would have never met. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
By going against the flow of the universe, I created an unnatural situation. Because of this, it did not last. I created my own hurt. I grew to love someone... not only him... but his family... and lost them because of my own selfishness.
I understand that I cannot change this. I am using this as a learning experience.
As hard as this is, I forgive myself.
I did not know the error of my ways at the time.
A good friend of mine told me:
"Imagine that you are walking along the beach. As you walk, you are leaving footprints in the sand. Look behind you and you will see that with each wave, the footprints are slowly being erased. The footprints are the things in your past. With each wave they are gone and done with. Time will erase the wounds. Let them go. Let the hurt go. Forgive and move on."
Today I realized that I am the one to blame for the many things that have happened lately. This realization took time and soul searching. Let me share my story:
A few weeks ago, I had my heart broken by the same person who had broken it before. In my hurt, I decided that I wouldn't let myself fall into the same depression that I had the first time. I decided that I needed to find a way to open my heart and let things be as they are. It has not been easy but I have felt happier than I have in awhile. Why is this?
I found that when I open my heart and let the universe guide me, I feel more peace with myself and I find myself more understanding with others. I feel the need to smile more often because I understand that life is going to throw bad things my way, but it is also going to throw good things my way. There is a balance to everything and sometimes the scale is tipped one way but eventually the weight will shift.
I don't know if other people sense this, but I think that they do. I have had more strangers talking to me than ever before. They are telling me their stories. They are inviting me to events. I feel that by being more open, I am allowing more life and light into my soul.
In addition to being more open, I read an article that talked about holding onto resentment and how it causes stress in our lives. Here is part of the article written in Light of Consciousness by Micheal Singer.
How you deal with your energy flow has a major effect on your life. If you assert your will against the energy of an event that has already happened, it is like trying to stop the ripples caused by a leaf dropped into a still lake.
How true is this? We cannot change the events that have already happened. Why do we stress about the things that cannot be changed? It only hurts us and makes us carry a burden that is not worth its weight.
With this thought in mind, I believe that the universe is guiding us on a path that will lead us to great rewards, if we allow ourselves to become part of it's ebb and flow. This is not always easy, but as previously stated, it may not be easy but it'll be worth it.
At the beginning of this blog, I said that I am the one to blame for the events that took place. Now, I feel like I can explain why.
When I want something... and I mean REALLY want something, I tend to be very aggressive. My last boyfriend and I met on the internet. We talked for about two months. Numerous times, we would make plans and he would cancel, or I wouldn't hear from him. He told me he was afraid to meet me because he thought I was going to be a dude. I went to great lengths to try to prove to him that I was legit. Still, he would cancel. After MUCH persistence he finally came around to meeting me.
I realize that I am the one to blame because I forced myself into his life.
Under normal circumstances, we would have never met. If I hadn't been so forceful, we would have never met. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
By going against the flow of the universe, I created an unnatural situation. Because of this, it did not last. I created my own hurt. I grew to love someone... not only him... but his family... and lost them because of my own selfishness.
I understand that I cannot change this. I am using this as a learning experience.
As hard as this is, I forgive myself.
I did not know the error of my ways at the time.
A good friend of mine told me:
"Imagine that you are walking along the beach. As you walk, you are leaving footprints in the sand. Look behind you and you will see that with each wave, the footprints are slowly being erased. The footprints are the things in your past. With each wave they are gone and done with. Time will erase the wounds. Let them go. Let the hurt go. Forgive and move on."
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