Being Open

     When something bad happens in our lives, we tend to hang on to the resentments and hurt. We seek blame in others because we don't know what else to do. What happens though when you realize that you are the one to blame?
     Today I realized that I am the one to blame for the many things that have happened lately. This realization took time and soul searching. Let me share my story:

     A few weeks ago, I had my heart broken by the same person who had broken it before. In my hurt, I decided that I wouldn't let myself fall into the same depression that I had the first time. I decided that I needed to find a way to open my heart and let things be as they are. It has not been easy but I have felt happier than I have in awhile. Why is this?

I found that when I open my heart and let the universe guide me, I feel more peace with myself and I find myself more understanding with others. I feel the need to smile more often because I understand that life is going to throw bad things my way, but it is also going to throw good things my way. There is a balance to everything and sometimes the scale is tipped one way but eventually the weight will shift.
I don't know if other people sense this, but I think that they do. I have had more strangers talking to me than ever before. They are telling me their stories. They are inviting me to events. I feel that by being more open, I am allowing more life and light into my soul.

     In addition to being more open, I read an article that talked about holding onto resentment and how it causes stress in our lives. Here is part of the article written in Light of Consciousness by Micheal Singer.
    
     How you deal with your energy flow has a major effect on your life. If you assert your will against    the energy of an event that has already happened, it is like trying to stop the ripples caused by a leaf dropped into a still lake.


How true is this? We cannot change the events that have already happened. Why do we stress about the things that cannot be changed? It only hurts us and makes us carry a burden that is not worth its weight.

With this thought in mind, I believe that the universe is guiding us on a path that will lead us to great rewards, if we allow ourselves to become part of it's ebb and flow. This is not always easy, but as previously stated, it may not be easy but it'll be worth it.

     At the beginning of this blog, I said that I am the one to blame for the events that took place. Now, I feel like I can explain why.
When I want something... and I mean REALLY want something, I tend to be very aggressive. My last boyfriend and I met on the internet. We talked for about two months. Numerous times, we would make plans and he would cancel, or I wouldn't hear from him. He told me he was afraid to meet me because he thought I was going to be a dude. I went to great lengths to try to prove to him that I was legit. Still, he would cancel. After MUCH persistence he finally came around to meeting me.

I realize that I am the one to blame because I forced myself into his life.

Under normal circumstances, we would have never met. If I hadn't been so forceful, we would have never met. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
By going against the flow of the universe, I created an unnatural situation. Because of this, it did not last. I created my own hurt. I grew to love someone... not only him... but his family... and lost them because of my own selfishness.
I understand that I cannot change this. I am using this as a learning experience.

As hard as this is, I forgive myself.
I did not know the error of my ways at the time.

A good friend of mine told me:
"Imagine that you are walking along the beach. As you walk, you are leaving footprints in the sand. Look behind you and you will see that with each wave, the footprints are slowly being erased. The footprints are the things in your past. With each wave they are gone and done with. Time will erase the wounds. Let them go. Let the hurt go. Forgive and move on."