In my previous blog, I mentioned that I was trying to be more open. I've really been working at this and I've found that I'm enjoying life a lot more.
I still have bad days. I'm just not letting the bad days bother me anymore. When I find myself feeling upset over something, I stop and really think about it and I realize that it's not something worth being angry over.
I feel myself changing into a person that I really want to be.
I no longer feel like I need a partner in my life in order to be complete.
In this changing, I've found that there are so many options out there... so many opportunities for development and growth and to let love into my life. I keep finding my mind racing with the new things that I want to do and people that I want to hang out with.
I want to move. I want to travel. I was to go back to school. I want to learn a new trade... I can't decide on what exactly yet... but I want to learn all that I can!
Liken your life to a traveling boat. We can float. We can sink. We can be bailing water out. We could be anchored.
We can focus on all of these things.
OR
We can let our boat sail on the wind. Focus on the destination not the path. Otherwise, we'll be stuck.
Understand that there will be stormy weather and that the journey will not always be easy, but that's not what the journey is about.
Let yourself go.
Things will fall together for you if you do.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Being Open
When something bad happens in our lives, we tend to hang on to the resentments and hurt. We seek blame in others because we don't know what else to do. What happens though when you realize that you are the one to blame?
Today I realized that I am the one to blame for the many things that have happened lately. This realization took time and soul searching. Let me share my story:
A few weeks ago, I had my heart broken by the same person who had broken it before. In my hurt, I decided that I wouldn't let myself fall into the same depression that I had the first time. I decided that I needed to find a way to open my heart and let things be as they are. It has not been easy but I have felt happier than I have in awhile. Why is this?
I found that when I open my heart and let the universe guide me, I feel more peace with myself and I find myself more understanding with others. I feel the need to smile more often because I understand that life is going to throw bad things my way, but it is also going to throw good things my way. There is a balance to everything and sometimes the scale is tipped one way but eventually the weight will shift.
I don't know if other people sense this, but I think that they do. I have had more strangers talking to me than ever before. They are telling me their stories. They are inviting me to events. I feel that by being more open, I am allowing more life and light into my soul.
In addition to being more open, I read an article that talked about holding onto resentment and how it causes stress in our lives. Here is part of the article written in Light of Consciousness by Micheal Singer.
How you deal with your energy flow has a major effect on your life. If you assert your will against the energy of an event that has already happened, it is like trying to stop the ripples caused by a leaf dropped into a still lake.
How true is this? We cannot change the events that have already happened. Why do we stress about the things that cannot be changed? It only hurts us and makes us carry a burden that is not worth its weight.
With this thought in mind, I believe that the universe is guiding us on a path that will lead us to great rewards, if we allow ourselves to become part of it's ebb and flow. This is not always easy, but as previously stated, it may not be easy but it'll be worth it.
At the beginning of this blog, I said that I am the one to blame for the events that took place. Now, I feel like I can explain why.
When I want something... and I mean REALLY want something, I tend to be very aggressive. My last boyfriend and I met on the internet. We talked for about two months. Numerous times, we would make plans and he would cancel, or I wouldn't hear from him. He told me he was afraid to meet me because he thought I was going to be a dude. I went to great lengths to try to prove to him that I was legit. Still, he would cancel. After MUCH persistence he finally came around to meeting me.
I realize that I am the one to blame because I forced myself into his life.
Under normal circumstances, we would have never met. If I hadn't been so forceful, we would have never met. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
By going against the flow of the universe, I created an unnatural situation. Because of this, it did not last. I created my own hurt. I grew to love someone... not only him... but his family... and lost them because of my own selfishness.
I understand that I cannot change this. I am using this as a learning experience.
As hard as this is, I forgive myself.
I did not know the error of my ways at the time.
A good friend of mine told me:
"Imagine that you are walking along the beach. As you walk, you are leaving footprints in the sand. Look behind you and you will see that with each wave, the footprints are slowly being erased. The footprints are the things in your past. With each wave they are gone and done with. Time will erase the wounds. Let them go. Let the hurt go. Forgive and move on."
Today I realized that I am the one to blame for the many things that have happened lately. This realization took time and soul searching. Let me share my story:
A few weeks ago, I had my heart broken by the same person who had broken it before. In my hurt, I decided that I wouldn't let myself fall into the same depression that I had the first time. I decided that I needed to find a way to open my heart and let things be as they are. It has not been easy but I have felt happier than I have in awhile. Why is this?
I found that when I open my heart and let the universe guide me, I feel more peace with myself and I find myself more understanding with others. I feel the need to smile more often because I understand that life is going to throw bad things my way, but it is also going to throw good things my way. There is a balance to everything and sometimes the scale is tipped one way but eventually the weight will shift.
I don't know if other people sense this, but I think that they do. I have had more strangers talking to me than ever before. They are telling me their stories. They are inviting me to events. I feel that by being more open, I am allowing more life and light into my soul.
In addition to being more open, I read an article that talked about holding onto resentment and how it causes stress in our lives. Here is part of the article written in Light of Consciousness by Micheal Singer.
How you deal with your energy flow has a major effect on your life. If you assert your will against the energy of an event that has already happened, it is like trying to stop the ripples caused by a leaf dropped into a still lake.
How true is this? We cannot change the events that have already happened. Why do we stress about the things that cannot be changed? It only hurts us and makes us carry a burden that is not worth its weight.
With this thought in mind, I believe that the universe is guiding us on a path that will lead us to great rewards, if we allow ourselves to become part of it's ebb and flow. This is not always easy, but as previously stated, it may not be easy but it'll be worth it.
At the beginning of this blog, I said that I am the one to blame for the events that took place. Now, I feel like I can explain why.
When I want something... and I mean REALLY want something, I tend to be very aggressive. My last boyfriend and I met on the internet. We talked for about two months. Numerous times, we would make plans and he would cancel, or I wouldn't hear from him. He told me he was afraid to meet me because he thought I was going to be a dude. I went to great lengths to try to prove to him that I was legit. Still, he would cancel. After MUCH persistence he finally came around to meeting me.
I realize that I am the one to blame because I forced myself into his life.
Under normal circumstances, we would have never met. If I hadn't been so forceful, we would have never met. I was trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
By going against the flow of the universe, I created an unnatural situation. Because of this, it did not last. I created my own hurt. I grew to love someone... not only him... but his family... and lost them because of my own selfishness.
I understand that I cannot change this. I am using this as a learning experience.
As hard as this is, I forgive myself.
I did not know the error of my ways at the time.
A good friend of mine told me:
"Imagine that you are walking along the beach. As you walk, you are leaving footprints in the sand. Look behind you and you will see that with each wave, the footprints are slowly being erased. The footprints are the things in your past. With each wave they are gone and done with. Time will erase the wounds. Let them go. Let the hurt go. Forgive and move on."
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Removing Ourselves
It's happened again. Someone is upset with you for something you've done, or perhaps something you haven't done. We've all been in this situation before, either as the accuser or the accused. Many times, when we are being attacked, we do what the majority of us do, we either attack back or we sit in silence, letting our anger boil. What we don't realize when we are in these situations, is that neither reaction is very effective because it doesn't get to the root of the problem.
They say that hindsight is 20/20 and that it's easier to give advice than it is to take it. Why is this? It's because we are able to view the situation from the outside. It's easier to understand once you're able to look at the situation from another perspective.
Just the other day, I saw a great example of this.
Person #1 was trying to be helpful, but wasn't being very effective. Person #2 comes along and realizes that they forgot to do something, which in turn, would cause them to go out of their way to take care of it. This realization made Person #2 angry with themselves. Person #1 is still chugging along and Person #2 proceeds to get upset with Person #1 because they aren't doing something the right way. Now BOTH Person #1 and Person #2 are upset.
As an outsider, I was able to see the way the situation escalated. I was also able to see that both people were at fault in this situation. Person #2 wrongfully took out their anger wrongfully. Person #1 reacted off Person #1's anger without looking at the situation. Maybe Person #1 was unaware of Person #2's source of anger, but wouldn't it be easier just to ask?
People, in general, don't like to be angry. So, there has to be something that we can do to fix this. But what?
As yet another saying goes, things are easier said than done. Here is my suggestion: remove yourself from the situation. I don't mean that you should walk out of the room and ignore your partner in anger (I am guilty of this, but I do believe that this can be an effective strategy if both people involved understand that it is not "running away", but rather a way to get a clear mind and remove yourself from the anger monster and view things from both perspectives). Once we are able to remove ourselves from the situation, we can find a way to look deeper to the source of problem. Maybe they just had a bad day. Maybe someone said something that hurt them. Maybe they are seeking love. It doesn't hurt to ask them questions as to why they are angry. I wouldn't recommend this while'll they are still yelling... that doesn't usually turn out as planned. Rather, wait until the storm has passed and wait to react until you've given them the benefit of the doubt.
You may start to ask yourself, "Why is their anger being taken out on me?"
Many years ago, I read an article that stated, "anger stems from love". I reread this article several times to try to make sense of it (if I find it, I might post a copy of it on here). It took me a long while, but slowly, over the years, I have realized that there is truth in that statement. It sounds weird to think that love could be capable of creating such a monstrosity such as anger... but look around you and will also come to that realization.
People get mad from self love (when their ego is hurt or when they fear that their ego will get hurt). People also get mad when love is in danger (fear of either losing a loved one physically or emotionally).
With the knowledge that love is at the root of anger, we can begin to look at anger in another light. When our loved ones are angry with us, it's only because they love us that they take their anger out on us. This by no means, makes anger a good thing, but it does let us take a step back to think, "Wait a minute. He/She is angry with me. They must care about something enough to get angry about this. They aren't angry with me. They love me. Something must have happened to create this anger. I don't need to get angry because I don't need to fuel their fire. I will let them vent and they I will find the source of their anger."
Again, easier said than done... but most things worth doing aren't easy.
They say that hindsight is 20/20 and that it's easier to give advice than it is to take it. Why is this? It's because we are able to view the situation from the outside. It's easier to understand once you're able to look at the situation from another perspective.
Just the other day, I saw a great example of this.
Person #1 was trying to be helpful, but wasn't being very effective. Person #2 comes along and realizes that they forgot to do something, which in turn, would cause them to go out of their way to take care of it. This realization made Person #2 angry with themselves. Person #1 is still chugging along and Person #2 proceeds to get upset with Person #1 because they aren't doing something the right way. Now BOTH Person #1 and Person #2 are upset.
As an outsider, I was able to see the way the situation escalated. I was also able to see that both people were at fault in this situation. Person #2 wrongfully took out their anger wrongfully. Person #1 reacted off Person #1's anger without looking at the situation. Maybe Person #1 was unaware of Person #2's source of anger, but wouldn't it be easier just to ask?
People, in general, don't like to be angry. So, there has to be something that we can do to fix this. But what?
As yet another saying goes, things are easier said than done. Here is my suggestion: remove yourself from the situation. I don't mean that you should walk out of the room and ignore your partner in anger (I am guilty of this, but I do believe that this can be an effective strategy if both people involved understand that it is not "running away", but rather a way to get a clear mind and remove yourself from the anger monster and view things from both perspectives). Once we are able to remove ourselves from the situation, we can find a way to look deeper to the source of problem. Maybe they just had a bad day. Maybe someone said something that hurt them. Maybe they are seeking love. It doesn't hurt to ask them questions as to why they are angry. I wouldn't recommend this while'll they are still yelling... that doesn't usually turn out as planned. Rather, wait until the storm has passed and wait to react until you've given them the benefit of the doubt.
You may start to ask yourself, "Why is their anger being taken out on me?"
Many years ago, I read an article that stated, "anger stems from love". I reread this article several times to try to make sense of it (if I find it, I might post a copy of it on here). It took me a long while, but slowly, over the years, I have realized that there is truth in that statement. It sounds weird to think that love could be capable of creating such a monstrosity such as anger... but look around you and will also come to that realization.
People get mad from self love (when their ego is hurt or when they fear that their ego will get hurt). People also get mad when love is in danger (fear of either losing a loved one physically or emotionally).
With the knowledge that love is at the root of anger, we can begin to look at anger in another light. When our loved ones are angry with us, it's only because they love us that they take their anger out on us. This by no means, makes anger a good thing, but it does let us take a step back to think, "Wait a minute. He/She is angry with me. They must care about something enough to get angry about this. They aren't angry with me. They love me. Something must have happened to create this anger. I don't need to get angry because I don't need to fuel their fire. I will let them vent and they I will find the source of their anger."
Again, easier said than done... but most things worth doing aren't easy.
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