This blog is going to be a little different then the previous ones I've posted. Only because I have something on my mind and I really don't know which direction to take and I feel that talking it through with myself, as well as having other people's feedback, might help.
So many of us are not where we thought we'd be when we were younger. There is nothing wrong with that. Life throws us curve balls and we end up somewhere different. Not always bad and not always good. Just different.
It doesn't make sense to let the person we used to be judge who we are now.
The aspirations of a 12 year old are much different then the aspirations of a 28 year old who has more life experiences under their belt.
What does make sense, is to change what we want now, to go where we want to now.
But now we come to a dilemma!
Where do we want to be? What do we want to be doing?
I made a big (well, semi-big) move to another state because I told myself, "You're going to be doing what you want. You'll have a chance to experience a different area. You'll be able to make friends. Things will be good."
Most of those things have turned out to be true.
Things are good. I like it out here. I've made new friends and explored the area.
What is it that doesn't feel right then?
I don't feel like I'm doing what I want to do.
What? WHAT? Ursula, you love teaching!!
That's true.
I do love teaching. I have a passion for it.
What I've come to realize is that I don't want to be teaching elementary school children. I do enjoy working with the students. I love the idea of molding the future.
What I don't love is all the crap that is involved with being an elementary school teacher. I don't like jumping through all the hoops that have been placed in front of teachers. I don't like all the assessments. I don't like not being able to teach science and social studies. I don't like the school systems because they're corrupt.
I understand that there are always going to be things about your job that you're not going to like. It's inevitable. I've worked many, many places, but I know that sometimes, there are things that you just can't get passed.
So, I come to a cross road. Do I continue working as an elementary teacher and forget these reservation that I have (which will be incredibly difficult). Or do I change professions?
What I feel I would really enjoy doing is being involved in a training program at a company. Or even working in HR.
If I stop teaching out here. I would most likely move back to the desert. Probably, back in with my parents. Go back to school. Get a menial job. And feel like a loser for awhile.
I'm just not sure about where I should be because I don't know where I want to be.
I'm a firm believer that when you are faced with a decision, whichever one you choose is the right decision because it's the one you wanted at the time. It doesn't always mean you made the best decision, but you followed what felt right for you at the time and that's what really matters. If you go wherever life takes you, then you'll never be in the wrong spot.
The difficult task is choosing what you want.
Wow. I just read the previous post that I made. It just goes hand in hand with this one.
ReplyDeleteso urs, I have to say i know exactly how you feel. Sometime i feel uneasy about the where i am in my life in relation to my sona nd my future. It is always good to love what you are doing and you seems to have a great support group of friends and family that can help you in your venture into a new career.
ReplyDeleteI know that i don't have this in my life right now so for the foreseeable future i will trudge on doing something that gives me little joy but pays my bills.
As it is i moved to where i'm at to be closer to my son but because of my choices and because of things happening in my life i don't make bearly enough money to see him very much or at all for some months. I have put a hardship on myself and am currently working to make things better in life so i can pursue a career in something that i would truly love or even having my own buisness. FOr now though again i am just trying to survive.
What I'm trying to say is that for you to change your career right now is not such a difficult thing. Granted you spent alot of extra time to get your degree and allow you to teach at an elementry level, the skill syou have learned would be very easy to transfer over to what you feel you want to do.
I think if you feel your profession is not right for you, make the change. we only have one life and if continue to stay unhappy it bares the seeds of bitterness. I know, i'm becoming more and more bitter as i get older.....and i don't like it.
You are an amazing person with a great head on her shoulders. I have always thought so. Again you have an amazing supprt group back home and i envy you for that. Its very difficult to make a change in your life and be away from people you love. I know i miss home very much, especially the people i grew up with and enjoy their company so much as I was around them.
My suggestion is to go for what you think will make you happy. Though if you do decide to make the change again, do not get a remidial job. You have the skills to become a great tutor for one of the private tutoring companies and i'm sure it would pay more than a remidial job. Don't give up on teaching because it does sound like you love to teach. Most of all.....dont' ever give up on yourself. Choices in your life may be causing you to question where you are in life.... that's fine.... but don't ever let that effect who you are as a person. It may seem like I don't know you very well, but I know your an awesome, wonderful person and regardless of what you do you can do it.
I hope this helps as i know how you feel. I'm 31 years old myself and have had the same thoughts constantly. I hope everything works out.
Jem
Thanks Jem. :c)
Deleteyou are always welcome... also if you ever want to talk you can get in contact with me. i'm always willing to listen and talk.... i may not know much but life has always seemed to play me the wrong hand you know i keep smiling because one day I will meet the girl of my dreams, start a family again, find a fulffilling career and fill those dreams.... If i dont, wel then i know I lived my life with a smile and did my best to make the best of what i have in front of me whatever it is.
ReplyDeleteremember...you are a strong, whitty, smart, beautiful woman with an amazing head on her shoulders and you can accomplish anything you want even if that includes restarting your career. I 'm not just saying this to make you feel better. I'm saying this because I notice the things you say and the comments you make and not only do i know you can do, you know you can do it. I have always believed you to be strong. Urs, i hope it all works out and If theres ever anything I can do to help, please just ask.