Events in my life have caused me to act a certain way. I have begun going out quite often. I have been making many new friends. This is what happens after every breakup I've ever been through. I realized that there is a cycle...
- I'm sad
- I'm angry
- I go out to meet new people. I am more wild than my normal self. I meet someone of the opposite sex and become more fun. I have no expectations of this person and don't create any type of emotional bond with them. Somehow, I think I become more attractive to someone because I become a carefree lady.
- I slowly become less attracted to the individual. I end up hurting them.
- I become depressed.
- I live in solitude.
- I become lonely.
- I get in a relationship.
- I fuck it up.
- Cycle starts again.
Is there a way to break this cycle? Does history always have to repeat itself?
At least I have finally realized that I do this to myself. I suppose the first step to breaking a cycle is to realize that there is a cycle; that there is something that needs to be changed.
What is the next step though? Where do I go from here? I am on the verge of slipping into the depression stage. I just want to crawl into a ball and hide away from life.
The more I think about it, the more I see that at any stage of this cycle could be changed. We can all change the vicious cycles of our lives if we take some time to see where we are in that cycle and do something to change it.
If I am starting to feel depressed and want to sink into solitude... I won't let myself. It's difficult, but any type of change is going to be. We just need to plow through it.
We all seek happiness. If we haven't found it yet, it's probably because we keep repeating the past.
It hurts me to hear that you are going through this, yet it makes me a little relieved that you ARE a real person. I wish things could be different in many ways, but I hope that you understand that there are people who care about you no matter what stage you are in during this cycle. I would have been happy to have a chance to be a part of that cycle. The learning experience is the best part of all of it no matter which way it goes, good, bad, predictable, ect. I try to embrace each experience as anew and exciting chapter, and when they get me down, I remember there is a new experience coming soon, so I look forward to them and it becomes a little easier to deal with the hard times. I hope to one day get a chance to be a part of that cycle, weather it is a good time or end on a sour note. I would be happy to be able to be a chapter in your book.
ReplyDeleteTry this Zodiac site, it may help you understand things about a potential partner as well. I forgot to include it in my post above. I am a Cancer.
ReplyDeletewww.astrostar.com/love-cancer-compatibility.htm
I have known you for many years and care for you more than you know.
ReplyDeleteI have seen these cycles from the outside and wonder every time why you make the same choices and expect different results.
You need to decide what you want out of life and find someone that can make you happy in the long run not just someone that is exciting to be with now.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope with all my heart that you find that person that makes you happy forever. I hope someday that our paths will cross at the right time and maybe, just maybe, I can be the one that makes you happy.